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« Pleasure this pain | Main | Wounded but loved »


For many years I looked at the dark sides of life as something threatening. I looked at pains as something different than me ... a kind of third party which intrudes in my life. But I have learnt (the hard way) that pain is as much part of me as is sensuality and lust. Pain is as much me as is passion and pleasure. In sexuality this shows in a powerful way. The boundries of pleasure, pain, orgasmic experiences blend when we let go and let our soul and body to melt together. 

This experience of acknowledging pain has brought me closer to truely loving myself. Obviously, I do not appreciate pain but I do love them. Because they show I am alive. Pain shows there is energy in me. There is life in me. I rather pleasure and work hard to find ways to transform pain into pleasure but I no longer "fight" pain. 


There is a deeper meaning for me to this. The pain in the world. The suffering I cause. The suffering I experience or observe. It is in a circle (Kreislauf) of beauty. I do not mean this in a cynical way and it never justifies suffering. 

Being mindful to beauty in the midst of pain has opened my heart and soul to new experiences. In persons who are mean and hateful I decide to look for something to love.

Again sexuality teaches us alot in this area. Few dare to let go and experience sexuality in it's more beautiful form - that is where the boundries of right and wrong, pain and pleasure, me and you are lost. Some of my most spiritual experiences have been in such moments. A tremendous gift I cannot explain in words that do it justice.


What I am getting at; Being whole has received a new meaning. All of me. Truely all needs and wants to be acknowledged, touched, loved, acepted and transformed.



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